You are currently browsing the monthly archive for July 2007.
Well, not quite. But it was still a lovely trip.
The whole trip I thought of how I was going to summarize it to you, my lovely general public, but then I realized it’s vacation. No one really cares about how your vacation went, no matter how relaxing it was.
Which it was. It’s good to be back though, and now I can take care of all those pesky college things that I’ve been putting off.
Inspiration is a beautiful thing. I think that it’s something that I lack in my life. Not to say I’m ungreatful to the things that do give me inspiration right now, but I just feel that I’ve always been driven in life and recently… well, that drive has somewhat waned.
Today I woke up early; well, early for me because I’ve been sleeping an awful lot lately. I spent quite a bit of time catching up on my podcasts and heard quite a bit of very useful advice. Thank you NPR. I’m kind of tired of unloading everything as I learn to believe it, so I’ll save it for when I get back from my week-long retreat by the sea. I’ve gotten quite a bit of inspiration today from people such as Paul McCartney, Julie White, and a complete stranger!
I was sought out today by my former music teacher who also runs a B&B to partake in a dinner theater she was planning. I may have gotten myself into a spot of trouble because the character I’m lined up to play in this ridiculous play is Fred Astaire. The trouble comes in on the part where I don’t dance. Well, I do, but usually only in the comfort of my room when nobody is home. I’ll let you all know how it turns out…
Tonight is the second to last show of Brigadoon. I’ll probably miss it when it vanishes into the mist the last time, but for now it’s pretty much like all the shows I’ve been in; fun the whole way through, but you know that someday it’s got to end. I think I’ll shove off a bit early and get my makeup done ahead of time.
I’ve always been a firm believer that people don’t change. Their actions can, which in turn means that other people might believe that they themselves have changed, but deep down they will always be the same individual.
I also believe that other people can change you. Other experiences and outside influences can lead to what a person can develop into. So I don’t believe that people can change, but I believe that they do. Confused? I am a bit.
Shortly I’ll be going on vacation to an undisclosed island up in Maine. I’ll be leaving, almost literally, as soon as Brigadoon closes, skipping strike and the cast party. I’m bummed about it, but I knew it would be this way all along. It was part of my agreement to be able to partake in this show.
I’ll be heading to this island for a week, and here is what I intend. I will bring no electronics. No iPod, no handheld gaming system, no phone if it can be avoided. Oh, camera… well, I think about that one, because pictures are always nice, and that isn’t so much a distraction as the others. I’ll bring a bunch of books I’ve been intending to tear through and I’ll probably bring some notebooks and some manuscript paper.
See, I’m proposing an experiment. I’m going to see if I can change myself. I’ll have plenty of time to just sit, by the sea, and think. I hope it’s warm and breezy. I think it will be nice, to do that. Sit and think. I want to figure out what it is I’m stuck on, where I went wrong perhaps? I’m sure forgiveness is another novel in itself, so I probably won’t write much about that here, but I’m sure I’ll be thinking about that plenty.
We shall see, by the sea.
“Wait, give me a trinket to pledge that you will come back. Your necklace…”
I think it’s wonderful that almost everyone has either forgotten about this, or is too lazy to check knowing that I’ve all but stopped updating. Or so they thought.
I also think it’s a little strange that we, as people, are sometimes drawn into the same things again and again. Now, I’m not talking Déja Vú or walking into unsafe situations because of who we are, but more how easy it is for us to relive certain memories, if only in our minds. It goes along with most everything I learned in psyche last year; we studied quite a bit about memories and emotions, and the link between them, but what was disappointing was that we never really went very deep with it.
I suppose it’s a link between present and past too, something that only a Sondheim musical could tackle through its symbolism.
Even now I’m probably pretty much writing about the same things that I was thinking a month ago, or even a year ago for that matter. I haven’t done much since the beginning of my senior year, I sort of just lived through it trying not to deal with things like values or beliefs. I’ve nearly developed into someone who I don’t really like. It’s gotten me stuck, I think. Or, I am stuck because of it.
I’m terrible at staying in touch. Well, what I really was thinking was I’m terrible at telling the truth, but even that isn’t true. It’s more a problem of deciding what/whether to share what’s inside my head at any given moment. It just seems that… much of the time it isn’t worth the effort to tell others how I feel about something. Most of the time I consider what this might mean, is it a lack of faith in what I believe? or is just that I don’t want to connect that much? Maybe I just quit having an opinion about things.
The point is that I’m feeling rather lost about it all.
I feel like I should make this protected or have it on my other blog, but I suppose that wouldn’t really help the issue. I’m tired of going nowhere, so perhaps leaving this a little open might help?
Indeed, it’s true. I was recently inspired, but what I can’t quite say, to update. I can give some reasons though. I need to start being a little bit more proactive in my dealings in life. I had a thought yesterday, as I was on stage, where I seem to have some very strange, striking thoughts. Very few of them stick, which is a shame, and when they do they don’t stay entirely.
So, this thought. It dealt with how long a life can be, because as I was measuring the seeming infinity as I was standing there, acting “perplexed indeed,” when suddenly I thought, “I can be doing so much in this moment.” Not to be read, I can be doing so many other things right now, because this summer has been completely built around my Brigadoon cast mates. It’s incredible, really it is.
One thing I’ve been told, by teachers and the like is that I try to do too much without enough space to do it in. I know I do. I like things that way. Not busy, but full to me. When I write music, which isn’t nearly as often as I would like, I always try to make it full, and all the voice parts are interesting. I’m excited to study counterpoint in depth, because let me tell you, there is nothing worse than singing a modern bass line.
The point, I like what I’m doing, but I just need to find a bit more purpose in each moment. I can be doing so much, but I shouldn’t forget what I’m doing it for. I get lost very easily when I get focused on something.
My gosh, this almost sounds like a journal entry. I hope I never think of this as a journal or this blog’ll never make it. I’m terrible at keeping records of any kind. Let’s have some real world updates then.
Brigadoon, presented by the Port of Call opened tonight (yesterday) and was wonderful. Our director was right, I don’t think I’ve even been in a show where the cast as a whole was so ready for opening. Our cast is also bonding a lot more than we did last year, which is semi-depressing for me. I can’t imagine what I’m going to do when I’m not in a show being forced to interact with people.
Have I told you I’m a wallflower? Albeit, one that tends towards being public. I like being with people, not interacting with them. Strange, but that’ll probably change.
College is coming up fast too. About 39 days (but who’s counting?). My classes should be coming any day now, because if they don’t I’m probably going to go stark-raving mad.
I’m not quite sure why I began with the moment and ended with reality. It makes it more difficult to end this post. Well, friends, which I truly am blessed with, maybe updates might become a regular thing?
