I typically don’t indulge in these kinds of things. From time to time I will cave in if I have been tagged over five times to do the same survey, but I do still skim them when my friends do them. I came to realize how irritating they can be sometimes; they are irritating for two reasons. They help to magnify the egoism that plagues my generation (and shows no signs of decreasing, ever) and also they can sometimes ask some rather invasive, poignant questions. Ones that I personally would like to leave left unanswered. Questions I simply don’t want to have to face. Let me explain why with examples from the most recent rash of facebook surveys.

Oh, before this actually, another thing worth mentioning is that I am discovering my triggers. There are things that set me off in one way or another; either with a wave of nostalgia or a gripping bout of jealousy. I will explain more later.

“I’ve come to realize heartbreak:”
This  comes after a long line of questions that begin “I’ve come to realize.” Now, to me personally the answers reflected on the surveys I have read don’t seem to imply a terrible excess of reflection, but that isn’t the point of this. The point is that most of my answers are either terribly jaded, or, more importantly, intentionally vague. Either way it doesn’t seem like my thoughts are reflecting the sort of person I want to be, or the sort of ideals I want to be realized through my actions. This particular example would have begun something like, “… is part of the human experience.” I believe this to be true; but still, not for the reasons or ends that I believe in my heart of hearts.

“How’s your heart?”
Kind of a bad question because of how it is open ended. When I read it I wanted to avoid the obvious answer-fishing they were hoping for and realized that I have been having problems related to the heart. The heart is kind of a catch-all of emotions and a snapshot of an individuals well being. If you’re happy and outgoing then love is possible, blah blah blah. Well, I have been having a crisis of… well, several things recently. Partially conscience, ideals, mind and heart are all involved in this one. As mentioned before, I have been discovering my triggers. I might run into an old face, or hear about how someone is doing, or remember an odd memory. At first I thought it was just a flash of nostalgia, something I am prone to when I am left to myself, but these were different. They led to different thoughts, often darker. I begin to doubt the decisions I made, or am currently making. How can I currently be becoming the person I want to be? I am clearly making choices I would not have approved of a year ago, much less five. I am reminded of a passage of a particular book that deals with youth and ideals, and how as we grow up they will simply fade, or we will become wise enough to see that our ideals were flawed. I don’t feel that as much as I probably should; instead I feel disappointment. I feel regret, anger, jealousy towards the people that I know that don’t give a care about these things and are blissfully living their lives, heedless of where they are going.

I am beginning to sound like more of a control freak than I actually am.

I am dealing with these triggers. I am slowly coming to realize that though my life has changed, many of my principles are still intact (their integrity is challenged more frequently though).

“Could you see yourself with one person forever?”
I died a little when I saw this. Given my conundrums that I am dealing with as mentioned above I don’t want to answer right away. I don’t want to leave an answer as a curt, spiteful attack on traditionalism, but I honestly have my doubts. There are days where I wonder how I live with myself day to day for the rest of my days.

“Do you believe in perfect?”
I am assuming this is directed towards people. The educated person would say no, while the narcissistic would say yes because it is directed towards how they see people, and how people interpret the world. I say yes because of my faith. Yes, I have faith in something. A higher power has created hints of perfection in the world. Masterpieces, love, natural talent, heroism… they all smack of perfection. It’s out there somewhere.

There are a few other questions that I could touch on, but they go along the same lines. It’s late, and I have errands to run in the morning.